Running With Mom

 

Just Another Runner’s Perspective - July 2013 Written by Gale Fischer

 

Running With Mom

 

There are no goodbyes, where ever you’ll be, you’ll be in my heart.

--- Ghandi

 

Life is full of stages and transitions that occur more rapidly than we sometimes realize. Some of these life phases are for the most part uniform for most of us in our society. Between the ages of one and two years, the ability to walk occurs. The ability to communicate with language begins to explode between the ages of two and three. Between the fifth and sixth year formal schooling begins. The period of puberty as it extends into adulthood spans the ages of ten to seventeen. There are also those stages that most go through that are not necessarily tied as much to common ages including college education, marriage, and parenthood. Personal and career milestones can also transition us into different stages of life. Traumatic events such as experiencing the death of a friend or a loved one are also often common triggers for propelling individuals into new phases of life. Many phases of life, good or bad, can be at times a challenge to manage. Finding a positive way to cope with these changes can often ease the burden of the transition.

 

A little over a month ago I traveled from Michigan to Iowa City for unexpected reasons. It was Mother’s Day weekend and ironically enough it would be the first time that I had spent this special day with Mom in more than two decades. She had recently had a liver transplant and although the surgery went well and the initial outlook was positive, things had taken a turn for the worse in recent days. Although I wasn’t aware of the scope of what I was about to face, I was aware that things were serious as I anticipated what was to come during the five-hour drive. When I arrived at the hospital and found my way to the ICU the look on my dad’s face and the tone in his voice told the story of what was to come. As he and the doctor spoke to my brother and me about my mom’s fragile state and the dire odds of her recovering to live a normal healthy life, the decision was made to take Mom off of life support. My father would travel back home that afternoon to take care of some things and arrive back in Iowa City the next day when we would pull her from life support. The team of doctors anticipated that she would survive only a few hours after the breathing tube was taken away.

 

An uncle and two aunts would arrive a few hours later to spend the weekend with my brother and me. As children my brother and I had seen our extended family regularly but because of where we had settled down as adults, the distance made it difficult to keep in touch. We had only seen our uncle and two aunts a few times in the last two decades. Although Mother’s Day would bring us both to a new stage in our lives with a difficult transition, it was nice to spend the time reminiscing about childhood memories with relatives. With the long drive and the emotional highs and lows of the day I was exhausted by the time I arrived at the hotel room that night. After a good night’s sleep, I awoke with the sunrise for a run.

 

Although the time of conversation and group support the previous day had helped tremendously, the hour run provided some much-needed isolation for me to reflect on the past and think about how my life would be different following my mother’s passing. The rhythm of my heartbeat, the sound of each footfall, and the sensation of sweat between my skin and clothes seemed to awaken my senses. The time of conversation with relatives just a few hours ago had offered its own therapy but my running ritual was offering me my own private therapy session. Like all forms of exercise, running can provide a host of physical benefits but running can also provide a variety of mental stimulants depending on your frame of mind. It can arouse the mind with the sights, smells, sounds, and stimuli of the surrounding environment, but it can also allow the opposite to occur. An individual can tune out the external environment and tune in to one’s internal stimulus while running. As I ran the streets of Iowa City this Mother’s Day Morning skies were sunny and temperatures were mild, providing the perfect backdrop for me to explore an unfamiliar setting on the campus of the University of Iowa, but this day would not be a day of exploring a new setting for me. This run would help me to tune out the external environment and focus on saying goodbye to my mom as I thought about this new stage in my life without her. Although I hated the thought of losing my mom on Mother’s Day, I realized that her last day on earth being Mother’s Day was the perfect tribute to such a dedicated and passionate mom.

 

Over the next few days, plans were made for a memorial service. Ironically enough this service was scheduled for Father’s Day. With a month to wait, there was more than enough time to prepare but also there was what seemed like an overabundance of time to cope with things as I anticipated my mom’s funeral. Again, my running routine helped me through this time. Some of these runs helped to distract me from what was on my mind while others tuned me into my own emotions from positive memories to the sadness of losing a loved one. I looked forward to the weekend of the Memorial Service with it bringing the positive benefit of a family gathering as I would be reunited with relatives, I had not seen in over two decades. At times I dreaded the weekend as well. Running seemed to help me sort through these mixed feelings not necessarily acting as a magic cure but instead providing some moments of respite.

 

I arrived at home in Iowa five days before the Memorial Service. This time provided everything that I had expected as I reconnected with relatives filtering in over the next few days. My dad’s intentions were to make this a time of celebration of my mom’s life with his wish coming true. Over the course of the long weekend, there were some tears that were shed but for the most part, it was a time of smiles, laughter, and celebration. The night before the Memorial Service a large crowd of family and friends gathered at the house. The only thing that could have made it any more perfect would have been if my mom were there enjoying it with us.

 

Similar to the experience in Iowa City a few weeks earlier, I awoke with the sunrise for a run after a day of reuniting with family. The support and conversation with family and friends the past few days had been amazing but I had decided that some alone time the morning of the Memorial Service was something that I needed as well. A two-and-a-half-hour run provided this for me. I wasn’t alone, however. As I ran by the cemetery that my mom’s ashes would be buried in my mom ran with me. As I ran by the farmhouse that she and my dad had lived in before retirement and the ground that they had farmed, Mom ran with me. As I ran by the signs that my mom and dad had made for local businesses during their years as owners of a sign shop, my mom ran with me. For two and a half hours my mom ran with me.

 

Although I am doing ok with my mom’s passing, I am sure that there will be moments of sadness. I am sure the first holiday season will bring moments of grief for me. What will be most difficult is not being able to call her on the phone to tell her of the accomplishments and milestones of my own kids. She always loved hearing about her grandchildren and I enjoyed sharing these moments with her as well. Although I may have told Mom goodbye on Mother’s Day I know that it is not goodbye forever. If there are days when I want to tell her about something that I know she would want to hear about or moments when I just want to spend some time with her alone, I can just go for a run with her.

 

KEEP RUNNING!!

 

Until next time, this has been just another runner’s perspective.